THE RED PLANET—Scientists are considering a request by several “citizen-astronauts” (who have been selected for the first Mars colonization mission) to include a small- to medium-size marijuana grow room as part of the colony.
“Since we will be leaving our loved ones forever and never returning to Earth, we all know that anxiety and loneliness might become acute,” explained Ginger Forreal, one of the botanists on the mission. “A good sativa during the day will keep us from being bored while doing mundane chores like repairing rips in the biodome. A nice hybrid before dinner will make our freeze-dried food a bit more palatable. And a nice indica after dinner will help us relax and deal with the anxiety of having second thoughts about why-in-the-fuck we chose to live on Mars.”
When asked about the difficulty of growing weed in the less-than-ideal Martian atmosphere, Ginger cheerfully announced, “We will science the shit out of it!”
-By Jim Willmot