Environmentalists Warn: Legalize Cannabis, Armageddon to Ensue

Environmentalists Warn

PASADENA—A recent study published in the journal “Nature Girl” offers a bleak picture of the planet’s environment if cannabis becomes legal in all 50 states. According to climatologists, the estimated amount of cannabis that would be smoked, if legalization spread nationwide, could release so much carbon dioxide into the atmosphere that the Earth would be plunged into a global winter that might last for up to a century.

“First, we looked at how much cannabis use increased after prohibition ended in Colorado, Washington, and Oregon,” says Dr. Peter Raymond, lead researcher at the California Institute of Technology. “Not surprising, cannabis use doubled since surveys were last conducted 30 years ago. If we take that same rate of increase and apply it to all 50 states, we end up with the probability of a hazy, green cloud covering much of North America. By our calculations, when the wind blows right, people in Greenland would most likely feel the contact high.”

Proponents of cannabis legalization – many of whom are also fervent environmentalists – find themselves in quite a conundrum. A new campaign spearheaded by the non-profit organization Going to Pot seeks to move toward “clean cannabis,” though no one really has a clue what constitutes “clean cannabis.”

The cultural shift to move cannabis users away from older methods like joints, bongs, and pipes has ushered in the age of the less polluting vaporizer. Of course, it’s expected that this change will come with some resistance from cannabis users who often resist change. The attitude of “you can take my bong when you pry it from my cold, dead hand” will eventually give way as the train toward progress keeps rolling.