Business | SCIENCE/TECH

Bill Maher Buys Creationist Museum, Converts to Cannabis Research Center

Bill Maher marijuana

MECCA, California—Bill Maher, the controversial host of HBO’s hit political comedy series “Real Time with Bill Maher,” was purportedly looking to spend a little cash for the cause this week and dropped some bucks on a cannabis venture in the California desert. Being a particularly vocal supporter of the herb, Maher has apparently put his money where his mouth is and invested in the burgeoning marijuana industry in a profound yet hilarious way.

Maher reportedly was quoted as saying, “When I came across a real estate listing for the ‘Noah’s Ark and Dinosaur Creationist Museum’ in the town of Mecca along highway 111, I knew the stars had aligned and the universe was saying ‘Fuck yeah!’ I felt this was the perfect location for the cannabis research center we’ve been working on.”

Sources close to Maher say he headed out to Coachella Valley that same morning. “I love the irony,” he said from the site, “and what can be more ironic than the ‘swords to plowshares’ conversion of a creationist museum into a bastion of research and discovery for cannabis?”

Taking a hit off his vape pen, Maher continued, “This museum was 5,000 square feet of steaming, pseudo-prehistoric bullshit. When I got the keys to the place, I had no idea what kind of carny-crazy weirdness I was going to find inside. Most of the displays were left intact and pretty darn hilarious. My favorite was the one depicting dinosaurs and men living together… I mean, what kind of high-powered indoor dank were these people smoking?”

The faithful atheist wants people to know that his plan isn’t all about cracking wise on creationism’s often misguided dogma. “The idea is to take this huge space and transform it into the most state-of-the-art cannabis research center in the world,” said Maher. “The fact that this place was once a stage for the rejection of science, the denial of evolution, and equated drug use to bestiality, that really makes it all the sweeter.”

Marge Bradt, the mayor of Mecca, sees the purchase as an economic boon for her almost bankrupt town. “Maher’s center will focus on the medicinal applications of cannabis and its healing qualities, which will likely have the added effect of healing our town as well,” she said. “We anticipate this facility will employ hundreds of scientists and support staff, which means they’ll need groceries, a place to live, restaurants, all to be found right here in beautiful Mecca.”

Maher reportedly couldn’t resist keeping some of the creationist paraphernalia around the new site. “I’m saving the one that has the mannequin dressed like a caveman and riding on the back of the Brontosaurus like a bucking bronco – that’s just gold!” he said. “Oh yeah, and we’re keeping the Ark replica, too, so visitors can get in and have their picture taken next to Noah. Priceless! We’re keeping them out back, just in case our researchers need a little inspiration.”