Entertainment | Politics

Pope Francis to Hempfesters: ‘Go Ahead and Burn Em, God Doesn’t Mind’


SEATTLE—Beloved and compassionate Pope Francis made a surprise stop in Seattle today on his way back to the Vatican after his first-ever papal trip to the South Pacific. The controversial pontiff timed his visit to coincide with the Seattle Hempfest, the world’s largest “protestival,” which this year celebrates its 25th year. He addressed marijuana festivalgoers – who numbered over 100,000 – to great applause, “Give a man a bud and he’ll be high for the day,” said the Pope. “Teach a man to grow bud, and he can be high his whole life.” He went on to say he is unable to find anything in the New or Old Testament that speaks directly to cannabis consumption being a sin. So as far as He’s concerned, Francis said, spread peace, love and pass the dutchie on the left-hand side. Before concluding his visit, the dope Pope made a modern-day gaff when he continued speaking into a live microphone after he thought it was off. He was heard to say by some that attended, “I’m so high right now, I can’t even remember my real name. God bless you Seattle and God bless Northern Lights!”