VATICAN CITY—Already recognized as the “Guru of Ganja,” author Ed Rosenthal has just been canonized by the Catholic Church and Pope Francis, and fast-tracked to sainthood for his works helping others get high, healthy, and happy. The acknowledgement comes after four decades of continuous work by Rosenthal as an author, marijuana advocate, and the voice for sensible use planet-wide.
Scores of pilgrim potheads from Mallorca to Humboldt packed St. Peter’s Square at the Vatican for the service that honored Rosenthal, whose iconic books include the “Marijuana Growers Handbook,” “Beyond Buds,” and “Closet Cultivator.” A notable cannabis laureate, his botanical legacy complements Pope Francis’ divine vision of a compassionate clergy that strives to serve the needy and infirmed.
At St. Peter’s Basilica on Sunday – standing beneath a hemp banner exhibiting a frosty, zeppelin-size Jack Herer bud – the dope Pope called Rosenthal a “dispenser of divine highs. For Ed,” continued the holy man, “Growing dank is the coriander which gives flavor to his work. It is the flaming cherry that shines in the gloom for so many medical marijuana patients seeking relief from chronic pain and addiction to harmful pharmaceutical drugs.”
“Ed’s book ‘Marijuana Growers Handbook’ is like my bible,” says 22-year-old student Massimiliano D’Indica from Naples, adding that using Rosenthal’s book he recently grew “a beautiful Azure Tsunami plant with buds the size of an eggplant.”
Over his 42-year career as an author and publisher of cannabis literature, the resolute pro-marijuana activist has been credited with the herbal tutelage of some 50 billion souls who, the pope noted, “might otherwise have grown some really inferior ditchweed.”
Rosenthal’s contribution to the art of botany is matched only by his unfaltering contribution to the Earth’s carbon neutrality. “We reckon that Ed’s hard work educating cannabis growers has added some 90 trillion cubic tons of vegetation to the Earth,” says Oxford climate expert Aaron Richardson, “and has had a positive net effect on the atmosphere of 900 trillion cubic nano-tons of carbon dioxide removed from the air.”
As though ordained by a greater power, his canonization comes on the heels of another great book release by Rosenthal, “Marijuana Harvest: Maximizing Quality and Yield in Your Cannabis Garden.”
So, let us all bow our heads, pack a bowl, and thank Christ for the Sacred Saint of Oaktown.
Amen and pass the pipe.
-By Hugh Manginello