Politics

Fresno Man Gets 10 Years for Homebrewing Beer

Homebrew beer

FRESNO, California—In a unanimous vote by the Fresno City Council, all alcohol laws have been effectively changed as of September 2016 to reflect those of cannabis laws around the nation. The following are the results of those reforms.

FRESNO POLICE BLOTTER – September 2016

9/1 Ian McReynolds, 43, was arrested for illegally brewing an alcoholic beverage in breach of ABC-37. As home brewing is currently judged federally illegal, home brewers like McReynolds can expect a mandatory minimum sentence of 10 years in federal prison.

9/2 Esther Polletti, 87, was arrested outside of a Rite Aid after having purchased a quart of isopropyl rubbing alcohol. Although rubbing alcohol is not considered an intoxicant, it remains a Schedule 1 narcotic along with liquor, crystal meth, and heroin. Polletti’s mobility scooter was impounded at the scene.

9/3 Ennis Stovetop, 22, was arrested for possession of alcohol greater than the legal limit, which provides for 10 cold beers or 20 warm beers on your person at any given time. Stovetop was found in possession of an ice-cold 12 pack. His first offense, Stovetop was shown leniency and sentenced to 2 years in state prison.

9/3 Lester Conner, 69, was arrested for possession of alcohol in the presence of a minor. Being Lester’s third charge for the same offense – enjoying a glass of wine on his porch with his grandson Evan – California’s “3-Strikes You’re Out” rule automatically applies. Conner is looking at a life sentence with a chance for parole in 2052.

9/3 Jennifer Lee Wanye, 19, was arrested while on vacation for Labor Day. Found in possession of alcohol paraphernalia – a commemorative FSU shot glass – the infraction carries a sentence of 1 year of probation and a $10,000 fine. Wanye is also facing the probable loss of her volleyball scholarship to Stanford.

9/4 Charles Wiesmuller, 29, was arrested while delivering a keg of beer to a private residence. Due to the enormous amount of beer being transported, his offense is viewed as intent to distribute and classified as a first-degree felony on level with racketeering and kidnapping. Wiesmuller is facing 15 to 20 years in federal prison.

9/4 Cascadia IPA Growers Co-op saw DEA agents and a SWAT team converge for the early morning raid of their hop farm in Monrovia. As hops are considered Schedule 1 by the federal government with currently “no accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse by hop-heads who love IPAs,” all of Cascadia Growers’ assets were frozen and its 19 owners and employees are facing fines and probable prison time.

9/6 Daryl Maynard, 37, was arrested for resisting arrest after a judge ordered his 10-year-old daughter, Kylie, to be taken from his home. The altercation occurred after an arrest the previous week for suspicion of public intoxication and possession of a pint of liquor. Maynard was found standing with friends next to a public lake, fishing and otherwise loitering. Kylie remains in Child Protective Services pending a court date for her father.

9/7 David Macguire, 44, was arrested after testing positive for the presence of alcohol on a recent urine test. The 7-Eleven cashier is facing a $1,000 fine and up to three months in county jail.