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North Korea Wants in on Cannabis, Talking Nukes for Clones

North Korea

PYONGYANG—The man-boy dictator of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, has for many years been a topic of great concern for countries around the globe. Most recently, his provocative nuclear bomb tests have been in direct violation with a number of U.N. laws and treaties. Yet Jong-un, who seems to relish the opportunity to be noticed by the international community for good or for evil, has just sent an official envoy to South Korea to discuss dismantling the DPR’s nuclear program immediately – with one condition.

“The Supreme Leader has requested a very specific list of over 100 clones of different cannabis strains be shipped to the North Korean capital by the end of this year,” says North Korean Attaché Bin Seok. “Once the cuttings have safely arrived, U.N. inspectors can begin the dismantling of our nuclear arsenal.”

A contingent of California, Oregon, and Colorado cannabis growers are set to meet with State Department officials today to discuss the request’s viability. “It might take a while,” said Cory Lietner, owner of CalizClonz in Sacramento, “but we can round up most of these strains. And I have to say, for an evil dictator he’s got great taste in bud. Some of these are on my desert island list.”

North KoreaMerely speculating as to how much information from the outside world penetrates the North Korean dome of silence, judging from Jong-un’s requests the dank dictator either has a subscription to Cannabis Now Magazine or keeps current on all the latest strains through InstaGram.

“The list has its share of landrace classics – Afghani Kush, Durban, Panama Red – but he also wants some new hotties like Obama O.G., Purple Trainwreck, and 9 Pound Hammer,” says Rene Fontaine of Colorado Clone Connection. “They must get Leafly over there in Pyongyang.”

In a statement made to the press this morning, Secretary of State Rex W. Tillerson said, “I always knew cannabis would help make the world a safer place. I am confident that between Cory and Rene we will be able to fulfill Jong-un’s clone demands. And I’m sure I can fill in anything they can’t find from the White House’s unofficial grow rooms that George and Laura Bush built back in 2003.”

-By Rocco D’Eugenio


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