Business | Politics

Californians March on Sac-Town, Demand ‘Hemp Toilet Paper Now!’

hemp toilet paper

SACRAMENTO—A coalition of fringe environmental groups, pro-hemp advocates, and members of the Californians for Sustainable Defecation joined forces today to march on Sacramento demanding immediate action to make “hemp toilet paper the only legal tissue option in the Golden State.”

Sierra Snowe, lead organizer and president of HEMP TISSUE NOW!, could hardly contain herself, “Look, with new laws in place allowing for the legal growing and harvesting of hemp, it makes no sense why we are all still wiping our asses with ancient-growth Redwoods.”

Snowe notes that her coalition is just 2,000 signatures away from having enough signers necessary to get the initiative on the 2018 November ballot.

Stiff Opposition
“I mean, it’s really hard going to pro-environment rallies having just contributed to the death of a Douglas fir or oak tree the last time I went to the bathroom,” said Snowe. “I tried going without for a while, carrying around a long branch of rosemary to, ya know, freshen up every so often, but it just doesn’t cut it.”

Many opposed to the initiative say it’s their constitutional right to “wipe their asses with whatever they like, as much as they like, and as often as they like.”

Time will tell if Ms. Snowe is able to persuade this dug-in group of tree-wiping Californians to try a new way to clean their rears.

hemp toilet paper“Hemp toilet paper is the future,” she said extending a roll of brick-hard toilet paper in her defiant hand. “We want the future now!”