Politics

Trump for MMJ Legalization, After Being Against and Before Being Pro

Donald Trump

LACONIA, New Hampshire—In an all-too-common double then triple flip-flop on an issue, Donald Trump has announced again that he’s in support of nationwide legalization of cannabis. But, he says, there’s a catch. “I’m all for legalization, folks. The crooked media will tell ya I’m against it, but it’s all lies. I’ve always been for it.” This, after campaign staffers informed their candidate that recent polls show nationwide support for cannabis legalization is at a staggering 75% of adults. During a media conference this morning, Trump was pressed on his position again, and asked what the catch was that he had alluded to.

“Look folks, we’re gonna create jobs – thousands of jobs – trust me. Everyone is gonna love it,” said Trump. “All you minorities that can’t find jobs, come work for me, you’re gonna grow ‘Trump-ajuana.’ That’s right, I’m introducing my own line of cannabis and cannabis products.”

A shocked press corps and rabid rally attendees alike had absolutely no idea how to react. One lonely protester wearing a “MoveOn.org” t-shirt was heard reflexively shouting “Hell ya!” before being punched in the groin by a Trump supporter and immediately escorted out of the building.

Trump continued, “I’m gonna tax the hell out of all other growers after it’s legalized. I’m gonna tax them out of existence, folks. All you’ll be able to smoke is gonna be Trump-ajuana. It’s gonna be great, the gold standard for pot. Trust me.”