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James Franco: ‘I’ve Never Smoked Weed’

James Franco

BROOKLYN—In a surprising turn of events, actor and sometimes poet James Franco revealed in an interview today that after decades of appearing in marijuana-themed films like “Pineapple Express” and “Your Highness,” his reputation as a monster pot head has all been a giant ruse to fit in with Hollywood establishment stoners he felt could further his career. Among those colleagues are reportedly actor friends Seth Rogan, Sarah Silverman, and Woody Harrelson – all passionate advocates of the stinky green.

“I am always looking for chances to push myself as an artist,” says Franco, who considers this deception “one of the greatest acting challenges of my career.”

james FrancoThe bud bard’s many other artistic accomplishments include authoring several manuscripts, teaching film and theater at New York University and UCLA, and creating art for various museum exhibitions, including the Museum of Non-Visible Art. However, appearing as a disheveled dope head for the past 30 years has been his greatest achievement to date.

When questioned as to how he pulled off the elaborate, decades-long hoax, Franco claims the joints he puffed incessantly were merely herbal cigarettes that provided the perfect amount of red eye required to give him “stoner lids.”

And what about the billowing clouds of smoke flowing almost constantly from his Silver Lake home? Hollywood props and illusions created with smoke machines and scented candles, reveals Franco.

However, after some sleuth work by our editors, records have shown the baked burner’s reports don’t seem to quite jive with an interview fellow actor and brother, Dave Franco, gave to “High Times Magazine.” The younger Franco claimed last week to have found his sibling lying on a pool float in the middle of his front yard, wreaking of pot and chowing down on an entire watermelon.

“I bet if we lit James’ hair on fire,” says Dave Franco, “we could’ve all smoked him like a huge hash joint.”

When questioned about the validity of Franco’s alleged abstinence from pot, “This Is the End” co-star and longtime friend Jonah Hill laughed out loud and exclaimed, “Franco’s trying to play it all off as an act? He made a bong out of my Play Station controller once!”

Franco’s announcement comes at a truly serendipitous time, amid alleged pending charges of possession of marijuana and marijuana paraphernalia found at the actor’s home, in his car, on his moped, in his Wiz Khalifa backpack, and in a locker at Union train station.

When told of the pending lawsuit, Hill quickly changed his tune. “Oh wait… you know what, I was only kidding…. Please don’t print that.”

-By Marcia Thomas

 

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