Business | Product Review

Weed Startup Employees “100% For Sure” They’ll Be Billionaires!

Weed Startup

BOSTON—In a show of extreme over-confidence, the 20-something employees of weed startup “Cannalump” fervently gushed to doubtful parents that they will “definitely be billionaires by this time next year!” Employees jabbered away on cellphones this morning from the recently foreclosed-on Cannalump office, including six at the water cooler, four in co-ed bathroom stalls, and three from the kitchenette microwaving Hot Pockets.

weed startupAll were expertly ignoring statements by their increasingly disheveled CEO that the company is closing down later today. When asked what Cannalump does, employees were puzzled, and Crystal Shatter (using her “weed name”) stated, “I don’t really care, I just want to be a part of this fabulous, growing industry!” Notwithstanding the company’s impending bankruptcy, employees continued to smoke joints, do dabs, and play air hockey. “It was fun while it lasted!” said one employee, falling to the floor and laughing as he tried to sit in a desk chair recently wheeled away by a furniture mover.

-By Honey McGrew


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