Business | WTF

NCAA Weed Gambit to Attract New Fans, Fires Up ‘Smoke A Bowl’ Game

NCAA weed

INDIANAPOLIS—We’ve all heard of the Rose Bowl and the Cotton Bowl, the Sugar and Peach Bowls — all perennial sporting traditions beloved by college football fans for generations. Still, the National Collegiate Athletic Association has shown great concern that the bowl games aren’t quite attracting the viewership they once did. Recent polls apparently show the coveted millennial demographic has an intense disdain for the annual pigskin festivities.

NCAAClive Steiner, the NCAA’s vice president of innovation and technology, speculates the reason has something to do with the combination of crippling student debt and ownership of a near-worthless degree. That, he says, “adds up to a not-so-enthusiastic alumni crowd as compared to previous generations.” So Steiner, always with an ear to the wind, made a proposal for a new bowl game: a Humboldt State University-hosted “Smoke A Bowl.” As the smell of red roses wafts through the air ahead of the Rose Bowl parade in Pasadena, so too will the fragrance of cannabis sativa bathe the streets of Arcata before the Smoke A Bowl parade.

Football fan and area stoner Matt Plank thinks the new bowl game is a great idea. Says Plank, “So wait, can you bring a bowl full of pot into the Cannabis Bowl? That would be rad!”

At press time, the NCAA had not commented on lighting up inside the stadium, but V.P. Steiner reassures fans, “Feel free to burn away at your tailgate parties. Do pot as much as you like!”

-By Rocco D’Eugenio