Business | SCIENCE/TECH

Milk of Magnesia Stock Upset As MJ Legalization Sweeps U.S.

Milk of Magnesia

LEVERKUSEN, Germany—Bayer’s stock plummeted this week after a study was released showing marijuana is 10 times more effective at curing common digestive tract issues than the company’s milk of magnesia product. A popular palliative since 1873, Phillips’ Milk of Magnesia has for decades been a staple in medicine cabinets from Perth to Peoria yet contains little more than “hydrate of magnesia and water.”

Upon hearing the news, celebrated Harvard professor and cannabis legalization advocate Dr. Lester Grinspoon was quoted as saying, “I could have told you that.”

-By Hugh Manginello