Business | News

Grandaddy Underpants Corp Sues the Makers of Grandaddy Purple

Grandaddy Purple

SARASOTA—The iconic marijuana strain Grandaddy Purple, also known classically as “Ken’s GDP,” is under fire this week for apparent “trademark breach and dilution” and is being sued by Grandaddy Underpants Corp in Sarasota, FL.

The elder underwear specialist alleges “infringement and cybersquatting under federal, state, and common law,” and seeks damages for the loss of nearly two decades of underthings profits pilfered by billions of cannabis makers.

“These weed heads are profiting from our hard-won work,” says Ernie Wattles, president of Grandaddy Underpants. “They’re playing off our goodwill and reputation as the 9th largest underwear maker [in Florida] by marketing marijuana products that bear a striking resemblance to our superior underclothing products.”

Wattles contends that his Grandaddy Underpants, which come in two styles, “tight and white” and “beige all the rage,” is often described by marijuana purveyors online in a similar manner to the Grandaddy Purple weed strain.

“For instance,” says Wattles, “That Leafly.com outfit writes the effects of Ken’s GDP is ‘detectable in both mind and body, delivering a fusion of cerebral euphoria and physical relaxation.’ Well shoot, I always say our underthings are physically relaxing! And sometimes I also say they are a fusion of cotton, latex, and euphoria. See what I mean?”

Underpants Corp’s lawyers are in the process of serving cease and desist orders to some 1.3 billion cannabis cultivators and retailers in breach of the law. Grandaddy PurpleKen Estes, the original creator of the world renown Ken’s GDP strain, was not available for comment. But a close friend of Estes reports upon hearing the news of the suit, Estes very elegantly performed a Walter White signature crotch grab and said, “They can cease and desist THIS granddaddy purple!”

-By Hugh Manginello