UNITED STATES—Sherbet Cookies. Green Crack. Alaskan Thunderfuck. All marijuana strain names that convey their experiential delights.
Cannabis enthusiasts the world over have come to realize the power behind descriptive marijuana strain names. Badges of distinction, these titles offer insight into the sanctified lineage of the plant, as well as key attributes like taste, smell, size, and physical effects.
This time-honored system of classification is a vital part of the marijuana experience – both with growing it and smoking it – so it’s important to get it right. Below are 10 of the worst marijuana strain names that attempted to flop onto the market, compiled by respected cannabis strain collectors and seed banks across the U.S.
#10. Head Lice
You’d be itching your head bald trying to choke down this strain, not to mention that tiny doll comb really tripping you out.
#9. Roadkill Skunk
We can’t explain why it’s business as usual to pick up roadkill and eat it in some parts of the country, but you’d need to be fairly desperate to smoke this one in the rest of the U.S. that isn’t the South.
#8. Purple E.coli
Pot smokers love their purps, but not when it’s named for bacterium that causes explosive diarrhea and bloody stools.
#7. Blue Balls OG
This one sounds like it’s gonna be a great smoke – until you pack your pipe and it just doesn’t deliver the least bit of high, leaving you horribly dissatisfied until you get your hands on some really good bud.
#6. Pure Hemorrhoids
You won’t be able to sit down comfortably while smoking this one, plus just the mention of “hemorrhoids” ruins everything.
#5. Morbidly Obese No. 4
Nobody wants to think about losing 40 lbs while relaxing, after a dab, with a bag of Oreos.
#4. Clinton Kush
No one wants to hear some yahoo yelling “Lock her up, lock her up!” every time you role a blunt of this strain.
#3. Herpes Hellfire
According to the Center for Disease Control, 1 in 4 Americans has some form of genital herpes – but not one of those remaining 3 people are looking to pack a bong load of it.
#2. Isis Fire
It’s agreed that nobody’s smoking anything named for these terrorist fucks.
#1. Trump Haze
We all need at least one full decade free from hearing that name.